Confessions of an Unclean Heart

I swear... it started out very innocently. My parents are out of the country and so I'm taking care of the house. (Pause) MAN, my mom does a lot of work to take care of her household! Craziness... (Unpause) Before church today, I took a look at the kitchen sink and saw yellow tints. Must be all the undrunken coffee left in my morning mugs that I poured out.

I remember seeing my mom fill the sink and then pour a little bleach in the sink. So, as her daughter, I follow suit.

I get home from church two hours later in utter amazement. White. Not just white. A white I've not seen in a long time. Gleaming white. Bright and beautiful! It took my breath away!

So what did I do? I grab the bottle of bleach and started on the other side of the sink. Then, I headed for my shower...the toilet... the bathroom sink...everything I could find that needed to be white! Being clean is addicting! If you were near me now, you would think my perfume was bleach! I've covered in it!

Bleach is also dangerous. I forgot my gloves and won't do that again. So off to grab the gloves... and still, I got some inside of them. This disinfectant is an irritant. But, the payoff was so sweet.

Bleach is also potent. A little went a long way. One shot and it was white.

Have you ever noticed that cleaning could sometimes be addicting. What used to be acceptably clean to me, was no longer true. After scrubbing the shower, I headed back into the kitchen for the floors. Forget the mop. I grabbed a towel, and a bucket. Hands and knees, I am down on the floor scrubbing.

It was tough, and it wasn't always pleasant. As I scrubbed the floors, I noticed a bit of dried up carrot here, a few pieces of seaweed there, and spots of food juices camouflaging itself in the tile. Ever notice how our lives have guck camouflaging itself inside of us? What used to be acceptable no longer was permissible. All the gunk and the guck had to go. All of the sudden I found myself a bit OCD. The bottom of the stove was dirty, didn't notice that before. Look at the fridge door. Can't have that! The dishwasher door too! Wait, I missed a spot. Rub-a-dub-dub, I find my knees SLIDING on the tile floor as the water swished out of the bucket. I find myself entrenched into my task, more content by the minute.

Contrary to popular belief, bleach keeps the consistency of what was cleaned. Although the light blue towel I used turned a different shade, it still remained- a towel! The toilet I desperately wanted clean still remained what I needed it to be, a toilet. I was happy the floors remained the way they were, only brighter and more appealing.

You knew that there was a spiritual lesson awaiting right? All along, as I'm cleaning this, God reminds me of how He cleans me! The potent substance: the Holy Spirit and the blood of Christ. With one swipe, God makes us clean.

We resist it. Oh, do I resist it! How many times have I not dug into the word after BSF was over? "It's ok, it's not that dirty," and so another week of ignoring the gunk and muck. Until I am reminded of how beautiful and rewarding staying clean is.

It's captivating to the world too. Who wants to eat in a dirty house? Who wants to hang out in a pigsty? Well, how about my spiritual body? Do I keep it clean? Once I allow the Spirit to do the cleansing, I'm more appealing to the world too. And deadly! Look out sin! Because once you're around someone redeemed, it's beautiful attractive. It's addicting. I look at the holiness my friends have, because they continue to choose Jesus, and I want to be like them.

Sometimes I think God wants to change who I am. Since my house is so dirty, I want to just to take residence in someone else's house. I think their house is cleaner, their house is nicer, so God must want me to be like them. That's not true, so I was reminded today. I didn't want my physical house to change, just to be clean. God loves ME, God loves YOU, for who He made us to be! He designed us with quirks, and although He wants us pure, He does not want us to BE someone else. He loves me. He finds delight in me. :) He does in YOU too!

Could I be as OCD in my own life as I was in my house today? Could I take the initiative to remain as clean as I will choose to keep my house clean? Forget the camouflaged spots... I want to be bright, gleaming, and reflective of the cleaner- Jesus, who makes me pure as snow, if I let Him.

The question is, if you don't mind me asking... how clean are you?

Thanks for letting me share my heart, and my confessions of an unclean heart with you. :) And to answer your question.. I'm quite alright... I won't need to clean any other people's houses to learn that lesson again. But thanks for asking!

Belize- The Final Full Day

Belize Day Five

Being that today was the last day and we had some pretty unusual things happen that we aren’t accustomed to, I decided to dedicate today’s blog to the “not so usual” things we’ve experienced so far.

So far on this trip we

-took an hour car ride on one of the only paved roads in Belize (paved with loads of pot holes)
-touched down on a glorified airstrip otherly known as the Belize International Airport
-surprised that we pulled up in the middle of nowhere in a Belize jungle.
-had our hearts broken by the poverty in this land
-met two incredible women who spoiled us very much this week
-ate conch meat raw
-swam with sharks, sting rays, and fishies of all colors in the second biggest coral reef in the world
-opened our suite with a key tied to a huge coconut
-stared at a few iguanas while they stared back (one named Charlie apparently)
-lived a week without cell phone reception
-had honey and sugar scrubbed on and off of us more times than we can count
-also got bitten by little critters more time than we can count
-bathed naked many times outside in a mosaic bathtub
-put the stopper in our own bathtub for fear of a toad
-got mud painted all “pretty” on our bodies (we destroyed the evidence)
-got sugar stuck in my ear
-watched a turtle get picked up in the middle of the road by locals for dinner
-heard a story of how a boa constrictor was on this land and so they hunted it and ate it
-showered many times daily only then to cover ourselves in DEET
-slept DEET covered nightly
-was awaken by a heavy rainstorm in the rainforest


So… that’s on top of all the other crazy things that I’ve been blessed to experience like,

-getting hit by a car on my bicycle in Japan. She asked me if I was ok. I jumped up, shook myself off, and checked my ipod. Since my ipod was intact, I figured so was I.
-ate raw horse meat.
-sucked on a little jello cup to entertain my favorite little girl. The next day I got a hickey the size of my lower jaw, in a circular shape. Ouch.
-babysat this same little girl, and threw her onto my mattress, then accidentally stepped on her
-drove through the woods and stopped so my friend could take a picture of a dead snake. I pushed lock on the automatic door lock button. She laughed.
-had a three inch long fish bone stuck in my throat for two hours. It hurt.
-climbed Mt. Fuji at night with our head lamps going over boulders only to then eat ramen at the top of the volcano and run down the mountain (literally) to beat the impending typhoon.
-raised my hands in the air and almost touched the belly of the airplane (old HK airport)
-climbed the Great Wall of China
-bathed in Hell (Kyushu)
-traveled to three different continents and met great friends
-ran away from the red light district in Amsterdam
-had my heart broken in Daucau and all the other places the Germans attacked
-had my heart broken in Hiroshima while looking in disbelief at the Atomic Dome
-had my heart broken in Okinawa at the devastation there as well
-almost folded gold bars for my grandfather as a Buddhist ritual
-ran around Rome like it was the Amazing Race
-helped plant a church in a country with less than .01% Christians and 110 people committing suicide daily
-been blessed with a vibrant relationship with the Son of God

I’m sure there are crazier experiences than those listed above, but none compares to the last one. God has blessed my life with all these experiences, to which I really love, but I would never trade them for a day without Christ. One day in His courts is better than thousands elsewhere. Period. I hope your life is as rich as mine! Mine is rich because of Christ, the experiences He has blessed me with, and people like you.

Belize- Day Four (The Big Day!)

Sure.. it’s a small world after all… if you’ve never left Disneyland. Or the United States. Today marked our grand excursion, and as typical Southern Calfornians, we described our experience by the Indiana Jones ride, followed by the Jungle Cruise, lastly by the Finding Nemo Submarine Ride. But, trust me… it wasn’t like that at all.

My wonderful traveling companion and dear friend allowed me the chance to eat grilled fish for breakfast this morning. SERIOUSLY, what a great friend! I know that it was stretching for her to go snorkeling today, but she came anyways. Am I that brave when asked to exit my comfort zones? Am I that gracious? Or do I let my fear paralyze me? My friend has made great sacrifices for me today, and I receive with a humble and grateful heart.

In order to go snorkeling, you had to go through a twenty five minute drive through the jungle. Of course, it’s not just a ride in a car. No no, we went off-roading in a jeep through pothole reddened unpaved territory. And if that wasn’t enough, then we rode in a speedboat through a river, at times with two foot deep passageways that barely allowed the motorboat to slide through unscathed. Cruising left and right we went through this river lined with brush that provided great hiding places for the untamed wildlife. Thirty minutes we slithered through that swampy river until it spit you out to the Caribbean. Again, not just the Caribbean but the Caribbean at almost eighty miles per hour for forty minutes bouncing up and down on the wavy blue waters. At first you look around, holding on to dear life, thinking, “uh, where on earth are we going? There is nothing out here!” Alas, a speck of green turns into the island we would soon dock on. Not before heading out to the second largest barrier reef in the world.

I know that at times, I can exaggerate the details, but just ask Meline. No exaggeration here. My heart was pounded in excitement and fear while we sit amazed at the breathtaking wonder and adventure of this day, and we hadn’t even gone snorkeling yet.

Our tour guide pulls up to the marine wildlife sanctuary. Here you must pay to dock your boat near the reef in order to go snorkeling. He fits us with the proper snorkels, fins and off we went. As we float in the water, he exclaims, “Hey check out the water below. Do you see the sharks?”

Uh… yes, I said sharks! SHARKS!!

I almost panicked. The theme song of Jaws suddenly entered my mind. Ok, I am exaggerating here a bit, but seriously I don’t know about you, but we swam with sharks today! We have pictures to prove it!

And sting rays! And a bunch of cute little blue fish, and yellow fish and rainbow colored ones too.

After getting adjusted to the water and to breathing, our tour guide took us out to the coral reef. There we took pictures of the beautiful coral as he tried to get the eel and crab to come out to say hi. Yeah, I was quite ok not saying hi to them. No offense.
We swam and marveled at all the beauty that the Lord created not only above water but below it! It was breathtaking! You didn’t swim by one fish, you swam with thousands of them. At first you think it’s see grass moving back and forth with the coral, until you realize it’s a school of fish, next to another school of fish. It’s time to go, but you just are in disbelief that you had the chance to go at all. That alone makes you want to stay forever.

I could go on and on about the amazing snorkeling trip, followed by the trip to the beach where we bought Belizean souvenirs and ate grilled fish (again), but of course for me, another spiritual lesson ensues.

Disneyland verses the open water. Church verses a relationship with God. What a drastic difference. People can experience Disneyland, walk around, enjoy the rides, get a thrill from Indy, but it’s nothing compared to bouncing through a real jungle and swimming with real wildlife. Was it scary? You bet! We asked the tour guide a few times, if anything was going to bite me. But that’s the risk that you take. Sure, I feared the boat hitting a rock and us sinking (as he joked about it). Of course, I wondered, “hm.. if we run out of gas, we’ll be floating in this ocean in the middle of nowhere for a long time…” But, would I ever go back to the Disney experience in place of this one? Heck no!

I can go to church on Sundays and sing my songs and go home. I can give my tithe and do my duty. I can go preach the word in the middle of nowhere. I can go feed the orphans and dig a well for those who have no water. I can go build bridges or houses for those who are in need. But would I exchange that for a vibrant relationship with God, in which He speaks to be daily, He is with me daily? Heck no!

I don’t ever want to go back to a place of complacency with the Lord. I do want to go preach the word in the middle of nowhere. I want to love the woman today who sold us a bracelet in the middle of a small village for more money than she’s probably seen all month (which was two measly dollars by the way). I want to go build relational bridges for the world to come to Christ, and if that brings me to take cement and put together a house, or teach English, or search through rubble, send me Lord! I want to be where you are. I want to be your hands and feet. I want to be used by the Lord, with the Lord. To do things for God without being with God is useless. Once you’ve experienced the real thing, you can’t go back. You just can’t!

I am reminded of Steven Curtis Chapman’s song called the Dive. Forget the dipping of my toes into a life with God. I’m going in.

Dive:
My heart is racing, and my knees are weak as I walk to the edge
I know there’s no turning back once my feet have left the ledge
I feel the rush, I hear a voice it’s telling me it’s time to take the leap of faith
So here I go
I’m diving in. I’m going deep.
In over my head I want to be
Out in the rush lost in the flow
In over my head I wanna go
The river’s deep the river’s wide
The river’s wilder it’s alive
So sink or swim I’m diving in
So sink or swim.. I’m diving in

Are you with me?

Belize- Day Three

Belize Day Three

American culture hits Belizean culture baby!! After a night of watching Bolt in our room (American culture), we went to sleep only to be awaken by a huge rainstorm (Belizean culture)!! HUGE! The winds were strong as it pounded against our stone dwelling place. With the rain pounding against the roof, it just made the jungle more magical! I praise God for an experience like that!!

The rain brought refreshment to the land. This morning, water dripped from atop the palm trees, while the stones that paved the land gleamed white. The rain also brought down the temperature. This is exactly what I thought the jungle would be like.

The spiritual lesson of the day came again, from the spa. Today, we got a honey body scrub and a seaweed oil massage. First of all, seriously- sugar, honey and seaweed. Aren’t those pet names for people? Or consumable items? I was quite content NOT having those things slathered all over my body. However, I was quite grateful for a new experience, even though I’m pretty sure that I won’t have that done again. ☺

“It is better to give than to receive,” one would say. I would say, “it is easier to give than to receive”. Receiving takes humility. Receiving can not be done with a prideful heart. And to not receive shows pride.

Our masseur comes from the nearby village named Maskall. She has three children and has been working here in this resort for two and a half years. She has a great job, because she is able to provide for her family a lot better than if she did not work here. Her gift to us is to provide us with a great massage and spa treatment. She has great pride in her work, which shows in her gift to us.

Although it made me a bit awkward, to show gratitude was to receive her gift to us. Can you imagine if I said, “you know what, I want to leave. I can’t receive this from you”? She would be so confused and devastated even if my intent was not to hurt her. Not receiving gifts hurts people.

I love when I give gifts to people. I love making them smile. I love when I share with others. I love when my help towards others helps to carry other people’s burdens. What selfishness if I didn’t allow others to smile in serving me, simply because I feel “unworthy”. Ironically, that’s pride.

I remember the time when I went to Mexico to help build a house for a family in need. We put up the house in a week. I, very much, enjoyed that trip! So much so, that I still remember many of those details ten years later. If the family did not receive the gift I provided her, I would not have been able to truly give. That family also made us pasole. It was all that she could afford. It was her thanksgiving gift to us for providing something for her that she couldn’t do on her own. What if I would have said no? What if I would not have eaten that? What if I thought I would have gotten sick from it? To truly receive, humility must follow. It is a blessing to give and receive, although sometimes it takes more work in receiving than actually giving.

I want to receive better. I want to release my pride and accept what others have to offer as a gift. Not something I deserve, but truly a gift. That is what truly marks a thankful heart. Receiving might be a simple as accepting a compliment, or a sacrifice from a friend. Receiving well takes practice, something I want to do well.

I am thankful that my dear friend came with me to Belize. It’s a gift to me that she is here, more than she knows. It’s a gift to me that she received this trip and came. It’s a gift to me, that you are reading this. I receive this with thankfulness because of your investment in my life. It is a gift, to be here, to enjoy what all these people do to serve us. It is a gift, to be the daughter of Christ. Imagine, if my pride prevented me from accepting that gift from the Lord. It would be my loss.

Lord, help me to be more thankful, to express my gratitude more, and then to receive well. Help me to live a life thankful, especially in receiving from others especially from You.

Belize- Day Two

Belize Day Two

Do you remember that song, “What a difference a day makes? And the difference is You…” This jingle rings true in my head at the current moment. Today, we are refreshed, awake, and relaxed. I spent the longest I’ve ever spent in a pool today! Wrinkly and prune-like, it was worth it racing this five year old boy around and around and around the pool. Ok, you knew that it wouldn’t be long until I befriended a little kid to race and be a little kid with, right? Of course, he won eight out of our ten races. (I had to get two in right. A little character education is always good for little boys.)

Can I just add how much I love my friend and traveling companion?! She’s such a trooper. ☺ She’s sweet, and fun to relax with! I am deeply blessed. ☺ I love sharing this with her, and learning from her too! The Lord has brought us so much more peace today, and it’s fantastic!

What’s the difference? Many things, for sure, but one of course, is our Lord. “and the difference is You…” Truly. I got a chance to have a nice long massage with nice smelling oils. You know what I had to wrestle with in my head? How incredibly blessed I am. Not everyone gets this treatment. We are truly the richest 1% of the population in the world. I wonder if this woman who is massaging me, wanted to do this when she was little. We, as Americans, get to choose our profession. Not just one, but as many as we like. We can afford to choose the things we want, to choose the food we eat, to choose the cars we drive, to choose to drive a car. I don’t know if this lady wanted to do this all her life. She blessed me, by the talent that the Lord gave her, that’s for sure.

It still makes me a bit sad though, that this lady, these people here, are “well off” in their country, because of this resort. They are richer than the others around, because of internationals who visit this place to relax. Again, none of this is bad. None of this is wrong. It’s not a value statement, however, the thoughts in my head bring me to the conclusion that, I am blessed.

I want to be a blessing. Perhaps, coming here, to give these people business is also a blessing. I want to do more. I always want to do more. The Lord has blessed me, more than I could imagine. Physically, financially, emotionally, spiritually… all inclusively. Lord, where could I be a blessing to those around me, and to the world? I want to live for more than a local purpose, but a global one. For more than my physical needs, but armed prepared for the spiritual one, to kick down some doors with Jesus and see Him, His peace, His love, His daily presence change the lives of all those who would come.

When we were driving to the resort yesterday, I asked the driver what he thought the greatest need for Belize was. He said, “money”. Money. I was so grateful for the ladies today who massaged us. All we could offer her was a monetary token of our thankfulness.

It feels easy for me to say that I wish others had the Jesus that lives inside of me. Perhaps it’s because He sustains all that I have, and more. I don’t look for food daily. I don’t know what it is to have need. But, I know my need for Jesus.

Others in the world, feel sorry for people like me. They are daily sustained by the Lord, and rely on His blessings daily. They do know need. They do know the need for Jesus more than I do.

We are united in one flesh, in the Lord. So, with the blessings that the Lord has lavishly given me, given us, what am I going to do with it to be a fragrance of blessing to the world that is healthy, that is not dependent on a system. What can I do, Lord, to make an eternal difference, so that when I’ve entered to be in the presence of the Lord, I would have known that I poured out my life for Him, as an offering because of the sacrifice He has made for me?

Today was a gift from the Lord. Everyday is a gift from the Lord. I am humbled today. Blessed and deeply humbled. Thanks for being in my life, for sharing your love with me, for walking with me, for supporting me, and for investing in me. God uses so much to transform us daily. I am thankful for you!

Belize- Day One

A hour bumpy shuttle with a man who picked us up from the airstrip, otherly known as the international airport; villages full of half built houses; a small empty resort six miles "supposedly" away from the beach; empty chairs; bugs and bugs everywhere; truly, one could say that this was far away from what I expected. My friend wrote, " hope you enjoy the beautiful men and nice sun". Well, let's just say, we've seen a total of three nationals. Three. I think I've had more interaction with bugs than with people for the past couple of hours that we've been here.

Even driving into the "resort" you were stunned. Driving through an hour of broken down villages doesn't really scream resort town. It's dinner time at the current moment, and there's only one other couple here sitting next to us.

The room itself is pretty adventurous and fun looking. It's a big room with jungle decorations, and more importantly-air conditioning! Although it's not as hot as I imagined, it is pretty humid. The shower is lined with mosaic tile and has a spa jet to it.

Outside you find two nicely decorated pools. This makes it more "resort" like. So, currently, with my past experience I would think that Belize feels like a missions trip feel with potential. Haha....

Which is a perfect segway. The facts are, this isn't what we expected at all, however, it doesn't mean that it's bad. I believe that my dear friend and I are being stretched a bit, by the Lord, which means there will be lots of growth too. Growing in faith. Growing to learn to relax in a place that might not be what we expected.

So, I'm excited. It requires me to live out my faith. It requires me to learn to rest. It requires me to step out of my comfort zone. This is definitely not the vacation I had expected, but I am sure, positive, that by the end of this trip, we would have walked away relaxed, rejuvenated, much closer to Jesus and to my dear friend. :) Plus, we'll be armed with more stories of how we accidentally ate bugs... and the like. Many stories to come. Stay tuned, I'll be blogging for sure! :D

Lots of love to you from the humid country of Belize. More later!

Ang

The Top Ten List of Europe

How can one summarize a month long vacation full of globe trotting across eight different countries, making new friends while catching up with friends I hold dear, and learning tons of lessons along the way? The only way I could think to do so is to create this list of ten, in no particular order. These are the things that stand out in my mind about my trip to Europe.

1. Organization at it’s finest
This cracked me up. Throughout the Contiki Crack Tour (I’m now deeming it since we raced through these countries) I was known as the older sister and the one to go to for everything. I believe in organization and planning, (perhaps too much sometimes) to a detailed degree, however this time it failed on me. In Florence, I thought we were only getting off the bus for a picture. Nope! We were going to spend the next five hours running around Florence. Hm… I wonder how this can happen with just my coat and my camera. No wallet, no map, no watch, no money, nothing but my camera. In the end, it was Robyn the tour guide to the rescue. ☺ I love it! No matter how organized you think you are, you gotta be a bit flexible. By the end of this trip, I’ve learned that God is teaching me to be even more flexible. Not to trust in my own understanding, but on Him alone. Good lesson.

2. Becky, Emma, and Charlotte-
You are right ladies, it felt weird to leave your flat. You’ve allowed this place to be home base for me, not only physically but emotionally as well. In the end, I’ve grown quite attached to these three ladies. These ladies are ladies of excellence. Barely out of university, each of these three women are pursuing their dreams, to be in politics, to be in public hospitality and in the media. All lofty dreams, but they pursue it with so much passion. In the beginning, you have to start somewhere. And they do. Their roles right now might not seem as glorious as they have hoped, but these women have reminded me that it is important to dream! They live their lives for more than just temporary happiness. Watching that in people in their early twenties gives you hope for our future generations. These women are going to do great things in life! And they do it with such grace as well. Thank you for opening up your home to me, and your lives as well. I have absolutely cherished the times I got to spend with the three of you!

3. Christmas in Wickford
Back to Wickford. Just stepping into Peter and Sally’s felt like home. This place embraced us in the summer and have now embraced me during Christmas! Dear friends opened their homes to me. I got to spend a wonderful Christmas meal with a family that have so invested in me. I spent some time getting to know friends better. I got to go shopping, watch a movie, lead worship and be a part of this wonderful church family. New Life Church is a booming place. The leadership strives to pursue the Lord’s will in everything they do, while placing discipleship making as one of the most important ministries they could be a part of. Thank you for embracing this crazy Asian.

4. Fish and Chips
Some might deem these a heart attack on a plate. I, deem this as one the greatest meals ever! I had many a great meals in Europe (for which I really need to go back to the gym). One of my definite favorites were fish and chips. Yum yum and yum!!!

5. Lucerne, Rome, Venice, Munich and Paris-
Speaking of food, these places had awesome food! Cheese, wine, beer, risotto… the list goes on and on. These cities made my list because of they were my favorite cities we visited while on Contiki. Rome and Paris for the Amazing Race like schedule with people I really enjoyed. Munich for the beer hall and the locals we interacted with. Lucerne and Venice for it’s amazing beauty. Top Ten indeed!

6. Dachau Concentration Camp
This makes my top ten list because trips like this to the concentration camp, Anne Frank’s House, and the like really made me think about wars and how devastating they are. It’s history that can’t be ignored and must be remembered. I leave this trip a bit more mature after visiting these places with God.

7. Taking Random Pictures
No words really necessary here. I just love random pictures!








8. PSAH and Ipswitch
Peter, Sally, Alex and Helen- I love you guys! Thanks for letting me stay in your homes and really spending lots of time with me. You were home for me while I was away. And, the Ipswitch game was sure fun, even though we lost. ☺ Thanks for being so loving!

9. Paralyzing Fear-
Throughout my trip, I really saw a lot of how much fear I carry as a person. Fear of failure, getting hurt, hurting others, looking stupid, not being liked, not being in the will of God… everything opposite of living with a trustful heart. My life as an Asian American, and as a teacher who is expected to be on top of everything, plus my own choices have fostered my controlling spirit. However, God made it a theme this trip, to break me of that. And guess what? Things were out of my control sometimes. I did hurt others, and I hurt too. Not everyone liked me. I struggled being in the will of God. And, yes, anyone seeing me on the dance floor could see how stupid I looked. God knows I failed. So what? It was when I realized these things and gave them to God, that He turned them to good. I am a more mature person because of these things that He taught me. God is more concerned with my character than my comfort. God always knows what He is doing. Always. The moment I trust in Him, I receive peace, and blessings- therefore, it makes no point to fight God because of fear.

10. Growing Up – Being Myself
Which leads to the final of the top ten list. I can not begin to express how much I feel like God changed me on this trip. Perhaps I’m the last one to notice, but I am not really normal. I know, I know, we can go round and round on what “normal” is, but I am very outgoing, very hyper, very passionate, among other things. Good or bad, they are me. On this trip, I found out how truly independent I am as well. I perhaps, always needed people to confirm this in me. I fear making mistakes and so I would go to others for advice. That’s a good thing, but you really are responsible to make your own decisions as an adult. I’m not a kid anymore. One critical part of this trip was to make an incredibly difficult decision. I might not have done it the same as other people, and in the end, if I did do it like other people would have, I would not have been true to myself, nor would it have turned out as it has. The bottom line is, if I walk with God, give Him my heart continually, and just walk- not analyzing everything, not fearful, but just trusting in God, I will be ok, simply because it is not about me. God is faithful. Not me. He has my life. He will not let me down. So, in Him, I can walk with confidence, embracing even more of the crazy sides of me. After all, He put that in me. ☺

God confirmed all this with a quote from my pastor at home. In a recent sermon he said: When you walk this earth, don’t pursue the temporary even though the world tells you that’s how you find your significance. The owner of the world did not say that. Listen to his voice, be catapulted out of the mundane because life defining moments always require the front end, faith, or letting go.”

Letting go. Full surrender. ☺

No more pretending. If I have New Year’s Resolutions, it would be that- to walk in confidence as myself with God. Theme verse: Trust in the Lord will my heart, leaning not on my own understanding, but in all my ways acknowledge Him and HE WILL direct my path. (Proverbs 3:5-6) This is going to be a great year!

Thanks for reading my thoughts throughout this trip! I am really grateful for people like you, who really invest in me. I am richly blessed!

December 31 New Year’s Eve

The last full day in Europe… and of course, the last day of 2008. It is hard to comprehend that today is the last day of the year. It has a different affect when a) you’ve been on vacation for a month and b) when you’ve really lost all perspective of dates and times.

Today I had a chance to walk through my favorite park in London again, Hyde Park. This park holds a special place in my heart for many reasons. It reminded me of the first day I decided to explore this park on my own in the beginning of my trip. Now, we’ve come full circle, a different person. Not to be hyper dramatic, however, the third time around this park, I’ve been able to see all that the Lord has done in my heart to grow me. I’ve learned more about myself, life, relationships, Jesus, and trust. I could interject so much about God’s goodness and faithfulness here, but I’ll save it for when you and I get to meet up and chat.

This time at Hyde Park, I met up with Michele and Flent. We got to stroll through this beautiful place one more time. Even despite the freezing temperatures, this trip to Hyde Park was quite memorable.

Back at Beks’ everyone was getting ready for our New Year’s Eve shindig! Tonight we were going to hit the town and watch Noah and the Whale at the Astoria club. Yup, you heard it right. I dropped my fear of my lack of coordination and hit the dance floor. I was surrounded with my favorite people in London and we had a great time.

We didn’t get home until 4am. It was quite surreal, actually, to have celebrated the New Year in London, but at the same time, it was so appropriate. My heart loves to travel and meet God in new places and experiences. In the end of this trip, I get to celebrate the start of 2009 in both England and California. ☺ If that wasn’t a present from Jesus, I don’t know what is!

Boxing Day

Boxing Day is more customary than I thought it was. When I went to Canada, Boxing Day was just the excuse day to go shopping. Here, it's quite different. Boxing Day has it's own traditional food as well. The great thing was, Boxing Day, lots and lots of people go watch professional soccer. That went for me too! I got to go to a great soccer game, even though we lost. We had great seats! The first row, right behind the goal post! At the end, we were able to get autographs and the like! That toooootally made my day! I loved it! A cool Boxing Day experience.

Christmas at the Purnells

I love this family! Talk about a family that truly desires to follow the Lord! Yup, they aren't perfect, but they have reminded me, time and time again, that it's not about being perfect. It's about a life surrendered to the Lord and LETTING Him lead! Oh how I wish I would stop fighting the Lord in so many areas of my life!

We had a great feast today filled with great conversations, laughter and lots of lots of games. I ruled in charades (Sorry Beks) but man, they kicked butt in knowing their entertainers! Sometimes, the cards would just say "I was born in (enter date). I was born in (enter city) and before even saying what songs this person sang, the singer's name would be shouted and the card snatched! Needless to say, it was super fun!

Christmas in England involves a tradition with crackers in it. Not edible crackers, but ones that look like cardboard candies. In the middle is a silly paper hat, a small victory present and a paper with a written joke. The object is to pull your side of the cracker so that you get the bigger half and thus, the victory present. Quite fun.

What a great day to remember that Jesus is the Son of our Global God. :) You can celebrate His birth, anywhere. :) I love it. It was a super day!

Back to Wickford

What a lovely place. It's only been four months or so, and I've only, actually, been with these people for about a week's span, but they feel like family.

That's what I felt as I walked through Peter and Sally's door. Home.

I think my entire body feels that way too, because after a few days here already, my body has allowed itself to fully accept the cold it so desperately tried to push off during the Europe trip.

So this will be a quick update so I can go to bed like a good girl.

A few days ago, Peter and Sally took me to a Pantomime in Essex. It was the story of Aladdin, with comedians and everything. It was super well done, and is what Britons do during Christmas times!

It's kinda like a play... well... it's a play, musical and comedy show in one with audience participation, where you shout out back at the characters.

Yeah, that would not be allowed in my classroom, but on this stage, it was hecka fun!

The best part about this Panto... well.... listen carefully. Aladdin freed Jasmine by having his friends Wishy and Washy come out as Sumo Wrestlers and with the Kung Fu Fighting song playing in the background, kicked some SERIOUS arse!

Yes, the moral of THAT story is that ASIANS (like myself) can kick serious arse!

So beware! hahahaha!

It was a great show! I've had Kung Fu Fighting in my head now for the past couple days.

I had it in my head last night, when we went out to Karaoke after Carol service at church. Now that was super fun! I sang Grease with a good friend and had a blast! We all had a blast!

Today, I got to go out and get aquainted with Essex history by visiting Colchester Castle. It's strange being in a city where a dear friend of mine lives, only she's in the states for the same time I'm here in her town. lol. It was interested to find out that Colchester was the capital of a Roman town when the Romans took over England. Quite interesting stuff!

Well, it's been great being back at New Life Church too. It's only been 4 months but time has flew by as well, as I've shared great things that have happened to my friends in the States and they have shared all that God's done in their lives as well. It's good to recount the things that the Lord has done, because it is so easy to take Him for granted. I am grateful for the countless things He has taught me this year, and the ways He's always proven Himself faithful, even if the road was not always easy. As my friend reminded me, even if the road is hard, it's always better to travel with obedience, because you never want to miss out on God's blessings and God's work. :)

I look forward to more thoughts on how God has been soooo gracious this year. How has He been gracious to YOU this year? :)